Bible Bloopers


The Bible says that the animals were created before man (GEN 1). It also says that man was created before the animals (GEN 2).

The Bible gives two contradictory stories about the flood.

After God limited man's life to 120 years in GEN 6:3, Abraham somehow managed to live 175 years. PSALM 90:10 says our limit is 70 or 80 years.

All Egyption livestock are destroyed in EX 9:6, hailed upon in EX 9:19-21, then reappear again in EX 12:29 to have their firstborns destroyed.

Three sets of laws contradict each other (EX 20-23, LEVIT 11-27, DUET 12-26).

The Bible says, "Eat, drink, and be merry" (ECCLES 8:15; 9:7; 10:19) and, "wine is a mocker" (PROV 20:1).

The Seen and Never-Seen God -- The Bible describes God as a visible being that lived on Mt. Sinai. EX 24:9,10,11:"Moses and Aaron, Nadab and Abihu, and the seventy elders of Israel went up and saw the God of Israel. Under his feet was something like a pavement made of sapphire, clear as the sky itself. But God did not raise his hand against these leaders of the Israelites; they saw God, and they ate and drank." EX 24:17 says He looked like a consuming fire on top of the mountain. In EX 33:23, Moses saw his back. In NUM 16:19, God appears before Korah and his followers. DEUT 34:10 says God knew Moses face-to-face. This doesn't fit 1JOHN 4:12 which says that no one has ever seen God.

The Old Testement says, "an eye-for-an-eye". Jesus says, "turn the other cheek."

Matthew says learned wise men visited baby Jesus. Luke says simple shepherds.

The first three gospels say Jesus chased the money-changers from the temple just days before his arrest, whereas John has him doing so at the beginning of his ministry.


According to the King James Version, in Genesis 1, on the second day when He created Heaven (the sky), unlike all the other days, God did not see that it was good. However, according to the Dead Sea schrolls, He did.

Genesis 2 says that man was here before the animals. The animals were here first. Genesis 1 says it was all done in 6 days. It took billions of years. If you follow the Bible's claims of births and deaths, Adam only goes back to about 4000 BC. People were here over a million years ago. People began in Africa, not by the Euphrates (GEN 2).

Documents show that some people have lived beyond 120.

From recent studies, we now know that abused children tend to turn into criminals moreso than children who are not abused.

Luke says King Herod and the "tax" were around at the same time. King Herod died about 10 years before Rome had any authority over Judea. A local census was taken, not a world wide tax. This census was based on ownership of property, not on ancestry. Joseph's property was in Nazareth of Galilee which was not subject to the census.

Christians commit the same number and types of crimes as the rest of us except they go a tad over on the number of non-violent sex crimes (sodomy, incest, sex with a minor, etc).

High school dropouts believe in God more than college graduates. Thomas Edison, Mark Twain, Susan B. Anthony, and Albert Einstein did not believe in God. 60% of scientists do not believe in a god that answers prayers. Most that pray, pay, obey, and get others to do the same are undereducated women living in poverty. Based on I.Q. tests given to members of different professions, preachers scored the lowest. The intelligence of some preachers is equivalent to that of an adult monkey, or a 3 year old child. Some border on retardation. Interestingly, two Jehovah's Witnesses were in my home once and could not agree as to whether the retarded would see Paradise.

Prophesy-- No one has been found that can predict the future, though thousands have been tested. Bible prophesies do not describe a modern world.

Word of God Myth-- The Bible calls itself the Word of God, but different writing styles indicate more than one writer. Compare Genesis with Matthew or Revelations. Nothing was written down that shows a higher knowledge than the one that already existed among humans at the time it was written. The contents of the Bible is not given in the order of which they were written. For example, Genesis Chapter 2 was written before Genesis 1. The Bible used by Protestents differs from the one used by Catholics and neither contain all of the scriptures written onto scrolls and preached about and believed devinely inspired.

Godliness-- Before Adam was kicked out of Eden, God said "Behold, the man is as one of us, to know good and evil. Now, before he eats of the tree of life and lives forever as one of us...". Although the Bible says God limited man's life, flooded the earth, and ordered his chosen people to destroy towns and villages, one of the Ten Commandments tells us not to kill. God is descibed as all-knowing and all-seeing yet ECCLES 7:16 warns us about being overrighteous or overwise. All this indicates a double standard: one for God and one for man. This two-standard set-up, however, is contradicted by writings such as "For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come" (1 Timothy 4:8). Further, Jesus tells us to be perfect "even as my father in Heaven is perfect."

Will Die... Can't Die-- The Bible's God told Adam that if he ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil he will "surely die". To prevent Adam from eating of the Tree of Life and living forever Adam was cast out of Eden. Further, there are denials of an afterlife in Ecclesiastes. Somewhere along the line the Immortal Soul was introduced.

A Change in Diet-- Mankind was to be vegetarian (GEN 1:29,30; GEN 3:18) until GEN 9:1-3.

Will Not Destroy... Will Destroy-- God made a promise to Noah not to cause a flood and destroy all living things again. He created the rainbow to remind himself of his promise. In GEN 15, Yahweh takes Abraham out and shows him the stars "So shall thy seed be". Later in the Bible, worldwide destruction by God is predicted.

A Fascination With Fire-- There appears to be a fascination with fire. Sacrafices were made with fire. There was Moses and the burning bush. God spoke to Moses through a fire. Fire is what God looked like to the Israelites that looked up at the mountain. Hell has been described as fire and brimstone and Revelations says the wicked will be thrown into a lake of fire. People were burned at the stake for heresy and witchcraft. Some churches burned literature they didn't like. Burning rock & roll records was a function of some churches in the 1960's.

God Becomes Invisible-- According to the Bible, God lived on Mount Sinai, a physical and visible being. With mountain climbers, preachers placed Him firmly in the clouds. Now, with humans flying about all over the place, preachers tell us He's invisible.

The Birth Day-- The Bible doesn't say when Jesus was born. December 25th was a pagan festival day, the birth of the sun god at the winter solstice. About 350 AD, to keep their followers away from the festivals, the Christian clergy began using this date to celebrate the birth of Jesus.

Three Kings?-- The Bible says nothing about kings visiting the baby Jesus nor was "three" of anything given. "We three kings.." is from a song.

The God Bless America Myth-- The Bible's God, ruler of the universe, runs counter to the American Constitution. He does not support democracy (He rules;Psalms 2,89,110: the King is Yawweh's son), freedom of religion (no other gods allowed) or freedom of speech (no blasphemy). The Bible's god, many believe, will throw the majority into a lake of fire.

Conflicting Interpretations-- Most anyone can find something in the Bible that supports their beliefs: Martin Luther King, Rainbow Coalition, KKK, American Nazis, Jehovah Witnesses.

What's the Harm?

Aztec human sacrifices in Mexico were at a rate of about 20,000 people per year for centuries. The Thuggie Cult in India did about two million sacrifices to Kali. The Vikings were bloodthirsty because they thought only warriors had any sort of an afterlife. The natives of the Figi Islands felt obliged to bury their aged alive.

In the Bible, first born sons were sacraficed to God (EX 22:29 and EZEK 20:26). In LEVIT 24:14-16, a boy was put to death for blasphemy. In DEUT 2:34-".. we took all his towns and completely destroyed them--men, women, and children. We left no survivors." There was an order to kill everyone in the seven nations of Canaan (DEUT 7:1,2; 20:16-18). In Numbers 31:17, Moses orders ".. kill every woman who has known a man by sleeping with him. But all the young girls who have not known a man.. keep them alive for yourselves." In DEUT 21:18-21, boys that were stubborn or rebellious were put to death. The Bible says God ordered the killing of witches and wizards (EX 22:18, LEVIT 20:27).

With the fall of the Roman Empire, the librarian of Alexandria was pulled off her carriage and skinned alive. Literacy dropped. Even the Pope had to have the Bible read to him. In the first crusade, Christians killed tens of thousands of people they called "infidels". The Children's Crusade (1212) caused the deaths of nearly 50,000 children. Preachers sentenced to death and executed thousands during the Inquisition (1233-1834) for heresy and witchcraft. There were the the Salem witch trials (1692) in America. The 17th Century Thirty Years War (Catholics v. protestants) wiped out tens of millions in Europe. In the Taiping Rebellion in China in the 1850's a Christian cult started a war that resulted in the slaughter of twenty million people. In the Holocaust six million Jews were murdered. Muslims and Christians in Bosnia reached a death toll of over 250,000.

Mental abuse--- A broken person is easy to control. They'll shame the person before others and threaten the person with a join-us-or-you'll-suffer message.

Poor education & health-- Preachers generally prefer advising constant prayer -- not education. Some may lose sleep over their religion. Overdone, this may cause brain damage. Isn't how long you fast more of a medical question than a religious one?

Child abuse-- Some promote child abuse with the spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child message (Proverbs 29:15; 13:24; 19:18; 23:13-14; 22:6,15; 29:17).

Cardinal Roger M. Mahony in 2002. Diocese Papers in Los Angeles Detail Decades of Abuse

Internal files released under court order reveal how Roman Catholic officials disbelieved abuse reports and grew more alarmed only as multiple victims of the same priests spoke up.

Spousal abuse-- Some preachers encourage the abuse of women by advising males to punish their wives if they disobey them.

Stephen Hawking: Heaven is "a fairy story"

Bright Side

Psychologists have discovered that most people underestimate themselves, that we are better than we think we are, that most of our worries are never realized, and that we can usually do more than we think we can.